The Lost Comet

It's raining. Raindrops trickle on the floor of my window. I look again and again. It only remains for me that in my life ... This rain keeps trickling into my heart. It is four o'clock in the morning, and I still have not managed to sleep. I look at this picture for more than three hours. They are beautiful. Their smiles make me rethink the happy moments of our past life. Jack and James playing in the garden baseball, Prudence who cooked his Italian lasagna . I can still smell coming out of the oven, and hear Jack screaming, "Daddy! I had a ball! " . It's so fascinating to see how the brain can record every detail of our lives then make memories. These memories that hurt, which poisons our lives that strangles us day after day, that make us human beings without souls ... The worst thing we can experience in life is when we do not have the opportunity or the chance to be able to say goodbye to the person we love before she left ... This is how my life is defined: a shred of memory ... I lost both love ... Because in reality, what is love? Love is a verb, a word. Love is nothing more than that: a verb and a word. Love means nothing. Love is in fact taking the risk to focus on someone, to become one with that person to the point of risking his life. The point of having a broken heart, torn, bruised by the person we love with all our heart, from the depths of our soul. So what will happen when the person we love most in the world apart? What will happen when we know it will never come back? What will happen when we ask the question "why "? Why did you leave us? When one suffers a horrible loss we all go through five stages of grief. You go through denial because the loss is not feasible; we can imagine that this is real. It gets angry against everybody, against the survivors, against us. Then there is an arrangement, we beg, we plead, we offer everything we have, and we offer our own souls in exchange for one more day. And sometimes anger. This anger that invades us day by day. However, shortly after it disappears. It disappears because we finally accepted the loss. And the idea that we never meet again his love. I am still at the stage of anger. Anger against Prudence. How was she able to leave his 10 year old son alone? How was she able to leave myself? How? ...

I wake up; it's seven AM. I have to take Jack to school. We are the fifteenth June. 160 days without her. 160 days without seeing her smile. 160 days without her laughter. 160 days without her kisses. I take a deep breath and I find the strength to get up. I dressed, preparing me breakfast for my son with these favourite cereals and we head to school. My son has not spoken to me since that day. He no longer speaks. It just looks at the road in the car, looking at his hands, but he does not speak. The only time I could catch him talking, it was before the picture of his mother. I remember this sentence, that sentence had made me cry. "I miss you mom, when you come back?” This simple sentence made ​​me understand that I was not the only one suffering and my son had needs me. Since that day I have never cried. At least before him. I lived only for my son. Somehow, I had a living part of Prudence.

- We got Jack! I threw him. Have a good day!

I opened the door , not a word of it ... It took me only a nod to signify that he had understood that I 'll go look after work. I closed the door and went on my way. The job. It was the second thing that allowed me to survive after my son. Studying the stars. For me to do this job astrophysicist was the most wonderful thing it is. Prudence, when Jack was lying, we spent our evenings outside watching the stars. I explained each constellation, the place of planets that we could see with a telescope and finally the history of the universe. Prudence drank my words, she could listen for hours ... I loved her ... I love her...

At the end of the day, I took Jack to school. Got home, Jack got out of the car and went straight to his room. I do not know what to do. I used a glass of port and laid me on the grass in the garden. I looked at the stars. I look at the stars with you my love. I cry ... I remember screaming and yelling you I love you. I take my breath and then I open my eyes. And suddenly I see her. Flaming, glittering amidst the stars ... A comet ... A comet that lights the sky, a comet that gives me hope ... I've never seen anything so beautiful ... It was brilliant, fantastic, beautiful ... And the first time in 160 days, I smiled ... I could breathe without effort, without the pain that pierced my chest ... I may have stayed for hours to watch again and again. A look at each corner of its light, its forms ... Then she left ... She left without a word, without saying goodbye to me ... She left me alone in the depths of darkness ... Day after day I never saw her again ... I kills ...

10 years later

"Day number 140

Yes, I expect this comet. This is the last year that I expect. I expect her back. There was one year I saw him while I watched the stars. It appeared to me at once. She looked at me, and remained a few moments and then left as she had arrived. And since that day, I expect. My heart belongs to him now. My love for this comet made ​​me crazy. As the days pass, the more they seem to me long. So I stay outside looking at the sky, hoping to see her again.

Day number 250

It is still not coming ... I have no hope. Everything is gone, and I have only one thing in mind, this magnificent comet. This is what my life boils. But where is she? How does it go? What is she doing? I do not know. I want to see her again! Able to feel her warmth against me, her gentle caresses and sweet voice ... I dream of being able to watch hours and hours whole. My heart is broken; I do not belong only to her. "

That is what my father lived ... I still do not understand how he could leave me alone ... But I understood why he did it ... Why it was suicide ... Love is not only a word or a verb. Love is a feeling that every human being can feel. Love a person is not only saying it, but it is felt that without it we are lost. Without it a part of us is missing. And we cannot live without a part of our soul. We do not breathe, we do not want, we die. This comet, I've never seen. I always thought that my father had been dreaming. But he was sure he had seen the comet. This comet was more than a comet because she had brought him so much in his life, but also the sense of beauty, his friends did not understand what he said, his feelings outnumbered men. But even when he felt very lonely, he knew in his heart that one day the comet will be back ... to illuminate again all his life and he could finally find it through faith in the human being, in love and in his art. But she did not return, except tonight.