The wait

How much can somebody be tired of waiting? The wait is by far the worst thing I ever experienced. The feeling of emptiness that escorts it, is killing me. And the only way out is to put some music on and let the realms of my imagination defy reality. Thinking about all the things I could've done. Letting go as the sound of the beat get louder and louder and my body go looser and looser. Free to jump on the rope of the chorus, my voice free to break of the strength of singing out loud the lyrics of rebellion, my soul finally set free from the pressure of the world around, which keeps on asking me to be something. Something they can't define clearly, something I despise royally. Once I had something to hold on to, except my dreams, I had some people who could inspire me, who could fill this emptiness with a little bit of light. But now, I only have ghosts of these people who by dint of dreaming too, died. Now they go around holding on to anything that reflect a hint of live, they are literally ghost. They have no memories to consume until the end of their days, and definitely no power to use for building a future. So they hold on to lies, lies, and lies. Watch as everyone move into their mediocre lives. Lives I can't wish for myself. Because I rather die than turn into one these two kinds of existence. Existence that lacks love and care. And as I hear these screams again, I wish I could just leave. Again I wish I could leave. But even the strength to do so is running away from me. I can't feel my knees, they're too weak to help me stand, and my heart beats so fast, I feel it can stop at any moment. And the people I thought were the cause of it all, are all gone, so I'm left with no one to blame. Even the will to cry, I don't have it. The emptiness in me contrast with the surcharge of pain outside. I wish there will be a time for me when I can feel free and real to me. I wish it will come the time when the loud voices will be shut, and the emptiness will be gone, and instead the endless torture, happiness will settle. A time where the stars will finally be aligned for me. And a destiny will be revealed. A destiny that foresees that I will belong to the time and the place and the people.

But until then I will ask how much are we supposed to wait in life before actually start living ?