When death is coming to you, you feel in peace. You close your eyes and think that you are going to sleep forever, that you won't ever feel tired. You say goodbye to your life, to your good and bad memories, to the person you were. You feel sorry for the others, because you won't be there for them anymore. But you do not care. Cause the pain is over.
But when you open your eyes on the white wall of a hospital, you do not understand. Why are you still living ? They tell you you are sick. That there is still hope for you. But they tell you your life won't ever be the same. And you feel so empty. Empty of life, life if it already have left you.
So you try to fight, to feel alive, to be happy. However, you are not. You are just dying inside, and people cannot see it. But they know. They know that it is a fake smile. They know because you are not with them now. You are in a hospital. That's all. You are in a hospital.
You heard that hardest thing on Earth for parents was to be powerless face to the pain of their child ? It must be true. So your parents are living a nightmare as you are losing yourself.
Words are not enough to explain your suffering. But your actions shows everything. You are so pale that you are disapearing in this white place. Death didn't want of you, but life is not rather interessed. You are lost, with nowhere to go, nowhere to hide. So come regrets. You regret this time when you closed your eyes and thought you were gone. Cause you are not, and it hurts again and again. It always hurts stronger.