Status, shit & Co.

[When realizing everything you know is less than everything you have to learn -- a striking and thriving ambition growing inside your whole integrity as a holy ghost seeking Time & Space anywhere and anytime -- you fall asleep with waking nightmares.]

[My thoughts can only expand to reach dark and bright extremes these days. My soul speaks words of light while my body cling to the pain of days that never change. I need an adventure outside of life to seek Life itself. The only way to freedom is through everyday life restraints and flaws. I need to understand what impulse my heart gets when my blood materialize into armies shouldering their way through my veins. I need to feel my body completely and concentrate to catch a glimpse of reality.]

[Ambition is tricky. You sleepwalk with sounds emanating from your dried lips in the middle of the night after the cathedral's bells chimed. You whisper words unknown to any living creature. You mumble and groan and thunder your secrets to yourself with a frustration never felt before. Whether you find a way to shape your thoughts and words and life or not, you can't help but withdraw yourself from the outside world. The words confined in your head you call soul shrink and run away from you. What if writing was a mistake? What if the solution could not be spoken until I find my target. I cannot believe in my writing with no hunting like images but I lack the maturity and the manhood to express myself the way I want people to see me the way I am. I let the masks fall.]

[It seems a bit of an answer is writing itself, yet, without me willing to let it free – even for me to understand the bits and pieces set free outside my own head. It feels like a neverending symphony with cords vibrating and burning under arches too heavy to let go off the tempo of a majestic pulse. It's all about someone's heart beating.]